orange county

orange county has become a bitter taste for me. and i dont know if its the fact that i know ill be leaving but i have noticed lately things that i have started to like about this place. i am sitting at the lab right now and there is a nice breeze which we havent seen in months. the sun is out but i am in a bit of shade so it is perfect. there are these little birds that just hop around everywhere. the gypsy den is wonderful the food is lovely and it is a little bit of an escape for me. i like people watching. very interesting people. the plants are beautiful here growing wildly.

and what are other things that i have begin to think about.. in the oc. my friends. yes everyone has friends. but i feel lately. my life has been so enriched by them. the conversations, encouragement, being known, and loved.

and the church. the ideas have been there for a while. love. live simple. try to make a difference. and now it has begun the ideas. they are becoming real. they are being implemented. it is a church. we are apart of the church.

(ok now this is going to be a side note about the church) i was sitting in sakred yesterday. and i woke up and didnt really want to go. didnt know why? i was excited the night before to be there. so i went in and sat there and sang a couple of songs and enjoyed that. i do love that aspect of woshipping. then as the message was about the start i felt this weird feeling inside me. i was cheating, betraying, and not supporting. until that point i didnt feel like the house church was really all i needed. i felt like i needed to be there on sunday morning. i had told people that i supported the house church. where my actions supporting it? try to live a more simple life. well thats not what it has become.. i just added it on to the rest of my life. so i tried to sit there. but i couldnt. so i snuck out. i was giving my heart half to sakred and half to the house church. when i got up i was still doubting my reasoning to leave. but then i was stopped by a friend asking me what i was doing and i explained. he totally related and was in the exact same boat. to me that was affirmation.

(ok thanks for letting me go off on a trail)

i cant think of anything else.