Monday, August 21, 2006

thinking


so i brought this up with peters and he told me i should blog about it.

so i was thinking the other day. and this relates to more then this subject but this is the context... it started with the idea about the church (my last blog..about leaving) so here i go. when we tell someone that when they become a christian their life will change they will become a better person they will stop drinking..and so on. so when someone becomes a christian. they do those things they change their life. but instead we dont let it change us. we dont let God change us from the inside. we try to do what is expected. we end up being unauthentic. then we realize am i doing this because i have really changed or am i doing this bc this is what i think im supposed to do?

i started thinking about this because when i was in sakred feeling guilty about the church and not being whole hearted. i realized i told peters that i was going to sakred the night before. and he didnt say anything. and first i was like oh i wish he said something. but then i thought some more and im glad he didnt. it needed to make sence to me in my heart and mind to then be followed by action.

hm i like learning things. i really do. i love that there is always more to learn about God about people about myself.

sometimes i dont feel this way. sometimes i feel, "i just want to stop learning stuff about my self i just want to be, i want to stop learning about God so i can just live it"

did this make sense? i like your feedback.

2 comments:

Alanna Moine said...

i think it has to be a combination of God changing us, and us making the effort to change. Ultimately we have free will and can decide whether or not to follow God's leading to change our lives by going to church, reading the bible, stop drinking...and all those other things we do that shows we love God.

Good thoughts Annie...

Cuz really...all those changes are essentially worship...and worship is a response to God working in our life. We can't worship without God making the first move.

loisa said...

this so very much makes sense. and i my guilt comes from being the girl who so often places that expectation on other people to be "better" and to do "better." if it's God that is changing us, why do we make it so damn hard on ourselves? yeah. i have the same longing...i've cried that out many times, "ENOUGH!!! I'm done learning, now! Just let me be...just let me see you clearly so I can just be!"

my heart has an annie spot.