akward girl

awkward-
1. lacking skill or dexterity; clumsy.
2. lacking grace or ease in movement: an awkward gesture; an awkward dancer.
3. lacking social graces or manners: a simple, awkward frontiersman.
4. not well planned or designed for easy or effective use: an awkward instrument; an awkward method.
5. requiring caution; somewhat hazardous; dangerous: an awkward turn in the road.
6. hard to deal with; difficult; requiring skill, tact, or the like: an awkward situation; an awkward customer.
7. embarrassing or inconvenient; caused by lack of social grace: an awkward moment
8. Obsolete. untoward; perverse.

i know i am awkward. its pretty funny to me. may be i will start to embrace it. a lot of my friends think they are also awkward. some people feel awkward when they see someone they know and are forced in saying hi, some people feel awkward on the phone, some feel awkward on a date, some feel awkward with people they dont know. does everyone feel they are awkward but only few admit it?

sometimes it sucks because you know you feel awkward and are trying your best to stay cool and calm. and then someone points it out... like hey you are awkward. and you're a little sad cause now you really cant keep your cool but then its also good cause its on the table then you can just laugh about it.

i think akward gestures are the funniest.

welll there it is. my name is annie and i am an awkward.

diggin this

"where are you off to in such a hurry girl is something chasing you. what has you spinning round in circles little girl is it the world or is it you is it you. there's no use trying to stop this there's no use trying to make it go away before you disappear just give it time just give it time. what are you hiding from what do you think will happen if you see this one through this one through. there's no use trying to stop this there's no use trying to make it go away before you disappear just give it time just give it time. where are you off to in such a hurry girl give it a little time give it a little time. there's no use trying to stop this there's no use trying to make it go away before you disappear just give it time just give it time." lyrics to molly jenson's give it time

you should listen to her, molly jenson

disneyland..

i have a disneyland pass. i totally forgot this. does anyone want to go?

sunday was a good day

i like these people

book club

with all the free time that i have (not really) i want to start a book club.

what do you think? once a month?

san diego couple weeks ago

kitale, kenya

(i stole this picture from matt mcgill, thanks)

richard. he is sister frieda's husband in kitale, kenya. they are a big reason why i would like to go back there. he told sister frieda that he had no children of his own and he thought of me as a daughter he never had. i got to have a few conversations with him while i was there. and there is a place for him in my heart. he is sweet soft spoken man. and if you ever get a chance to hear their love story you should really listen.

this picture brings back a lot of memories. he took on that same walk around their land.

this makes me very happy.

thinking

so i brought this up with peters and he told me i should blog about it.

so i was thinking the other day. and this relates to more then this subject but this is the context... it started with the idea about the church (my last blog..about leaving) so here i go. when we tell someone that when they become a christian their life will change they will become a better person they will stop drinking..and so on. so when someone becomes a christian. they do those things they change their life. but instead we dont let it change us. we dont let God change us from the inside. we try to do what is expected. we end up being unauthentic. then we realize am i doing this because i have really changed or am i doing this bc this is what i think im supposed to do?

i started thinking about this because when i was in sakred feeling guilty about the church and not being whole hearted. i realized i told peters that i was going to sakred the night before. and he didnt say anything. and first i was like oh i wish he said something. but then i thought some more and im glad he didnt. it needed to make sence to me in my heart and mind to then be followed by action.

hm i like learning things. i really do. i love that there is always more to learn about God about people about myself.

sometimes i dont feel this way. sometimes i feel, "i just want to stop learning stuff about my self i just want to be, i want to stop learning about God so i can just live it"

did this make sense? i like your feedback.

orange county

orange county has become a bitter taste for me. and i dont know if its the fact that i know ill be leaving but i have noticed lately things that i have started to like about this place. i am sitting at the lab right now and there is a nice breeze which we havent seen in months. the sun is out but i am in a bit of shade so it is perfect. there are these little birds that just hop around everywhere. the gypsy den is wonderful the food is lovely and it is a little bit of an escape for me. i like people watching. very interesting people. the plants are beautiful here growing wildly.

and what are other things that i have begin to think about.. in the oc. my friends. yes everyone has friends. but i feel lately. my life has been so enriched by them. the conversations, encouragement, being known, and loved.

and the church. the ideas have been there for a while. love. live simple. try to make a difference. and now it has begun the ideas. they are becoming real. they are being implemented. it is a church. we are apart of the church.

(ok now this is going to be a side note about the church) i was sitting in sakred yesterday. and i woke up and didnt really want to go. didnt know why? i was excited the night before to be there. so i went in and sat there and sang a couple of songs and enjoyed that. i do love that aspect of woshipping. then as the message was about the start i felt this weird feeling inside me. i was cheating, betraying, and not supporting. until that point i didnt feel like the house church was really all i needed. i felt like i needed to be there on sunday morning. i had told people that i supported the house church. where my actions supporting it? try to live a more simple life. well thats not what it has become.. i just added it on to the rest of my life. so i tried to sit there. but i couldnt. so i snuck out. i was giving my heart half to sakred and half to the house church. when i got up i was still doubting my reasoning to leave. but then i was stopped by a friend asking me what i was doing and i explained. he totally related and was in the exact same boat. to me that was affirmation.

(ok thanks for letting me go off on a trail)

i cant think of anything else.

festival for christian artist

i am soooo excited about this thanks to miss carrie who pointed it out... here is the link Tableau

my heart is so very excited.

thanks friends

so caffiene and lots of stress dont mix well with annie. yesterday was a bit crazy. thank you for dealing with all my talking, obnoxious comments, being really weird, and of course working the camera and modeling for me.







ill post the final product soon.

con

so just sitting here a little sad about seattle. i got one con about it. no subway. i like the subway a lot. i dont like new york very much but they have a subway. and i love the bart. sad.

hmmmm im excited. very excited. im pretty sure everything is working out. but i dont like to get my hopes up and not everything is worked out. but ya.

AND

also i reallllly love my friends!

drama in mv

sooo i kinda felt like i was in high school tonight for 20 minitues. so driving home from school and i called amanda to see if she wanted to get some icecream. so we went to baskin robins and it was going to close in like 7 mins. but we made it. and when we got there and about to go in the door..thes girls yelled at us from their car.. something like "i told you its closed..." ok.. weird. were they talking to us? so anyway i get my delish chocolate and penut butter icecream and then about to get in the car they yell something again out their window.. in a 16 year old voice.."i tolllld you its closed" well amanda and i put our highschool brains on and are like.. we can totally take them. ha. (not the most mature thing... but hey its mission viejo and there is about to be some drama lets liven this city up) amanda reaches down and chooses from the million water bottles that i have and chucks it at their car. ok. so then whatever. we just get in the car calmy and start driving and of course they follow us. we were a bit excited. i did some u turns and they followed us respectfully and we were hmmm what should we do this is fun.. and then they left. and they never came beside us or anything. i was like saweeet we won! but now that im thinking those dang 16 year olds are probably smarter then amanda and i and took down my license number.

welll there you go.

and im not proud of this.. but thought you might enjoy how lame we are.

rock and roll

i love mates of state and death cab for cutie!

worship promo?

this almost killed me to do... i like it now...but they probably wont.

whats on my brain

switch out some words and i can relate to this song.. even though this song might be a little on the lame side. :)

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston... where no one knows my name...


i have not written very good blogs lately.. i guess not everything is for a blog. so here is my attempt...but right now im trying to work on the balance between thinking emotionally and logically. i am still working on the idea of formulas and the fact that we cant live in them that not much of things in the world are black and white.

and i also wanted to write down some wishes.. just out of the top my head:
to be admired, respected, known, loved. i want to be a mom, teacher, wife, designer, i want to learn how to cook, i want to build patience, i want to learn how to communicate better, i want to stand my ground, but i dont want to be selfish, i want to learn how to listen better, i want fear not to hold me back, i want to follow my dreams, i want to be encouraging and loving to my friends and family. i dont want to be apathetic, start reading the newspaper, hang out with my neices more, love my sister, listen to my mother and father, i want to be myself, i want to add to the community, take naps outside more.

i could keep going but i wont bore you more.

oh one more thing.. i always cry when i watch the baby channel and i watch the birth (ya this might gross some people out.. kaira and josh)welll..i always cry.

what about the fact that im the designer?

this is not something i like to here:

Annie, we liked it but want to try something different as well. I've been asked to send you these samples, moving away from the last one and into something completely different.

sucky.

little miss sunshine

well my friends told me that i reminded them of olive from little miss sunshine and i have decided to take this as a compliment. shes pretty dang cute and yes she is a little naive (doing a "dance" her grandpa taught her) and she loves icecream and is innocent and she knows just what to say to duane.

my mother

is it mean to blog about my mother? yes probably. so i just deleted what i was going to write about.

cont. sleep

im going to sleep and it's 8:00 and the sun is still up ..thats pretty bad. i think the last time i went to bed this early i was like 10.


goood night.

sleep

sleep is something i am really good at.. right when my head hits my bed im out. dont have dreams and i dont wake up during the night. its awesome. i should get an award thats how good i am. but for the past couple weeks sleep has sucked i have been so exhausted but i cant fall asleep and i stay up so late doing nothing. and then i wake up a lot. then when i wake up i have just been stressed like right when i open my eyes. i dont like it. it makes me sad.

pupil

ive got big pupils

workkkk

this is what i did today at work. i kinda like it.

the colors wacky i dont know why it looks like that? oh well

inspired

"style equals fart" which means that style is just hot air, that the work should be about the concept"
-stefan sagmesiter

and the dada movement

john heartfield

nose

did you know that some people like the way theire nose smells?

being pushed

do you ever want to know how far you could be pushed? like what you as an indivudual are capable of. i am in this class and it's hard. the teacher pushes us. and im still in the class. half of the class has dropped. im doing better in this class with more work and a harder teacher then my other classes. i know that people say anything is possible.. you can do anything you put your mind to. i dont agree. i think someone else can handle things more then i can. like i dont think i would be able to be the president but what am i capable of if i try my very best? not that im going to just wondering what i could do.

desire

the circus and stuff

yes i went to the circus tonight.. and its an amazing place. my favorite part was the baby elephant she was cute. and i learned that anything is possible if you just imagine it. and we also saw fireworks when we got out from the angles game.. veryyy pretty. {pictures to come}

yay for spontaneity!

random:

i want to see these The Last Kiss and Little Miss Sunshine and How to Eat Fried Worms and Spider Man 3

presence

i have always imagined this personilty trait when im insecure or offended or full of fear or in an argument and for this person to just see through it all and just be like annie its ok its going to be ok and then i would probably keep fighting them and keep ranting but they will affirm me in the ways that im bullshitting. i dont know if i explained that very way here is a not so good example you know in movies when the lady is fighting and yelling and then the man he just grabs her and makes her hug him and she continues to fight and then he just keeps holding on to her then she finally gives in and lets her heart win the battle and give up fighting.

well i think that the presence of God is kinda like that... let me explain He's not going to have to say those things.. right away you are going to realize that you wont be able to bullshit or say cliche things to Him and try to be knowledgable in that same second you are going to realize that you aren't worthy over even being in His presence and your going to be so full of all of these emotions and you are going to be more real then you ever have been that all you can do is fall to your knees and weep.

this makes so much sense in my head i can feel it..but i dont know if it makes much sense when i type it out.

flee

22Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 23Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. 24And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 25Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. 2tim: 22-26

the word is good and full of hope and im not just saying this to post ohh i read the bible cause i dont really i have a huge struggle with it but i picked it up last night and read this and its beautiful reminding me that the word is living.

garage band

goal: i want to learn how to work this sweet tool.. so i can make sweet beats to dance to.

ok enough with 2 blogs a day.. im off to bed.. yay..dreaming of being the best beat maker ever.

fishy

so this might not make any sense, i am aware that is usally the case with me..but this is my blog so i get to not make sense :)

i have a pet fish now and hes pretty sweet..he lives in my bathroom and im not sure why.. but when i had fishes growing up this is where they lived..so the point is i only see him when im going to the bathroom. but thats not the point of this blog.

i have an analogy.

my fish lambchop he lives in his little fish tank he poops in it he eats in it he swims and does his thing there. its what he knows. so this scary things comes along and realizes lambchop your house is nasty you pooped in it.. i am going to need to clean it..in order for you to live a nicer life in there. but lambchop hes a little gold fish he doesnt understand this. he would be content in this poop infested fish tank. but me being a human knows the best for him starts pouring water out and im sure he feels a very strong current and all he can see is the drain. he doesnt know he can trust the hands that hold and control the tank. so i put him in a smaller cup with some water in it while i clean his house he freaks out a little bit i can tell his swimming seems more spazzy. but then i put nice clean water in his house and then here comes the hand again and pours him into his house. when he gets back to his house its clean and nice and theres no pooop. well hes a little mad. he doesnt understand that he had to go through that for a nice clean house and so he wont die. and ya he went through some scary situations, situations he didnt know i had control over.

that was my attempt. i started reading the great divorce by cs lewis and i think he got me thinking a little bit.. and i realize that this is probably the silliest analogy but i like it.. me and lambchop we have things in common..now i hope i dont kill him because that would ruin a lot of this analogy.

2 blogs..1 day.. its ok its worth it

ok so i kinda want to cry.. but and excited nervous way.. i dont know if ive ever felt this way. i just sent my application to the art institute in freaking seattle. yup i did it. i am proud of myself. i am not one to follow through with dreams.. at least i dont see myself that way. but ya.. i did it. my heart is kinda jumping around. what..this is crazy. i have been telling people kind of randomly like when i needed to get my transcript that i was going to transfer there..but when i said it i didnt even believe myself. i realllllllly thank you..you people that have encourage me to follow my dreams.. that have listened to my crazy idealistic dreams.. to encourage me to take risks and to leave. (donald miller.. would be included in those people) well this is getting kinda sappy.. and i just started to feel weird since this is a blog. but ya seattle here i come?

xo

ha ha

are all "funny" people insecure?